Dating idiots pressure sore risk validating an assessment tool

I tell all my single girlfriends to give online dating a try. Your inbox will fill with notes from 19-year-olds in the ‘burbs, 40-somethings who find your taste in music “refreshing,” addled idiots writing “id fck u,” and a handful of age-appropriate, nice-looking guys who can string some sentences together and like to cook. You set up a profile, pick some cute photos, write something witty about the things that you love (Beyonce, Hillary Clinton, Battlestar Galactica), list some books you like, and then sit back, kick your feet up, and wait for the messages to roll in.It’s not behavior I’m particularly proud of either. Why don’t I reach out to the dudes with the funny handles and good taste in books, the ones who post pictures with goofy faces and like tacos almost as much as I like tacos? I wish the evidence pointed to something else, something egalitarian and modern, but when I get real with my own online dating M. I’ve sent messages to guys before, sure, but the ratio is small. This is not how I want this work, but I condone it with my inaction.Why do I not respond politely to every message, even the ones I’m not interested in? Once we make it out of the safe cocoon of the Internet and into the real world I’m better about aligning my actions with my values.I write about gender on the Internet for crying out loud!But every day, when I log into the dating site of my choice, I play the passive role, the receiver of attention, the awaiter of messages.But I think, men, for your own sakes it’s time to let go of your idea of attraction. It forces you to look for love in weird, wacky places.And even worse, it causes you to miss out on women that are totally, incredibly amazing.

The Internet could be the great democratizer, the great playing field-leveler. I think the vast majority of men in the world misunderstand the nature of attraction.And the more you nurture your love, the more you grow together, the more you become attracted to each other. As the person you’re with becomes a part of your life, soon you don’t see just those things: you see something deeper. They haven’t been taught it and the ones who do teach it seem to get snickered at, no matter how respected they are.I tell all my single guy friends to watch out for online dating.It is a sad, soul-crushing place where good guys go to die a slow death by way of ignored messages and empty inboxes.

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And, worst of all, when this happens on a bigger level, it causes women to think they need to live up to these bizarre expectations of physical beauty. It’s sad to observe, especially since it’s so unnecessary.

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