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You find yourself forgoing activities that you used to enjoy that might make you unavailable to him should he suddenly have time to see you.The silence of the phone can feel like the bars of this prison.Participating in an affair necessitates entering an altered state of consciousness where only part of reality can be processed, the part that has to do with pleasure.It’s like being in a trance, complete with it’s own logic.Friends and family sense you are closed off in some way, and can become confused and discouraged about your relationship with them.You can feel this, yet are afraid it would cause more damage to their feelings about you if they knew.
You maintain the sense of safety by trying not to think about these realities.
When the full reality begins to hit home, it can be a painful and frightening time.
Deep issues can surface, issues that, in the end have to do with your relationship to yourself more than anyone else.
However, at the same time you know you are treating yourself as if you do not deserve someone who could be there for you 100%.
Reading the above may bring up strong feelings that you haven’t been aware of before.