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There are lots of women that would make suitable friends. Why not put your effort towards the ones you find most attractive?

Initial sexual attraction has probably forged the majority of male/female friendships.

This how your artsy-fartsy feminist boyfriend thinks. The most maddening part is we get sexual thoughts about all women regardless of appropriateness or attraction. It’s a by-product, and not a test of the relationship’s value.

This is how your brother, father, grandfather and every man you’ve ever come into contact with thinks. Some go through a mourning period when they finally realize, that yes, that even their wonderful, sensitive, caring husband is really, deep down inside, a pig. These are extremely brief, primitive thoughts, lasting only milliseconds. Relatives, teachers, and our best friend’s wife are included.

According to the standard script, women are attracted to “alphas” because they are looking for prime genetic material who can also protect and provide for them, thus ensuring the continuation of their genetic line.

The idea of the “high-value, alpha male” is a popular one – in fact, it’s one of the regular arguments in the comments sections, especially whenever I post about masculinity or what makes men attractive to women.

This is so obvious I’m surprised it needs mentioning. Masturbation as well as porn has no relationship to how sexually satisfied he is with you. Secondly, we enjoy it because it engages our most primitive instincts and lights up our brain. Women we are extremely attracted to and ones that we are repulsed by are also included.

However, judging from Oprah, Dear Abby, and countless magazines and relationship columnists it apparently needs to be mentioned. Men get the same charge out of porn as they do from watching You Tube videos of explosions, fights, and guys getting hit in the nuts. So drop all the female centric opinions about porn and what it means if your man watches it. Women we don’t find attractive are the most frustrating. Men like to be in the presence of attractive women. If we are in the grocery store, and there are three checkout lines of equal length, we will choose to wait in the line with the most attractive checker.

This is how your steak and potatoes philistine macho-man husband thinks. On the most primitive and animalistic level it is our job to make sure the human race continues, at all cost. We get erections ridiculously easy and we come quickly. In the modern world that means yes, we’re ready to go anytime, anywhere. To a man, if the sex is good, the relationship is good. It’s a result of a close, safe, caring bond with their man. Frequency varies from couple to couple and is usually a compromise between two competing desires, so there’s no point in defining here what constitutes “frequent”.

It’s not terribly surprising (to me) to see that the idea of “being alpha” is continuing to be tossed around as the end-all/be-all of dating; it’s a part of the DNA of men’s dating advice – the complaints of Nice Guys lamenting the popularity of assholes, nerds complaining about jocks getting all the girls and of course, the obsession in PUA circles with status games and “shit tests” – that is, acting in such a manner as to “test” a man’s status by trying to make him supplicate or otherwise disqualify a man from being a potential sexual partner.

More often than not, it gets mixed in with evolutionary psychology – the idea that men and women act a specific way because of evolution.

If you think this is just a bunch of nonsense designed to put all the responsibility on women, that I’m letting men off the hook, then read my other article about what men need to accept and do if they expect to have a good sexual relationship. This entry was posted on Friday, December 18th, 2009 at pmand is filed under .

Every once in a while, I like to go browse through some various blogs, forums and subreddits specializing in men’s dating advice to see what theories are being espoused.

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